2/27/2007

Phooey.

Score another one for the Writing Demons: "The Futurist" just got rejected from an online magazine. Moral: I should not write stories I don't have fun writing. And I didn't particularly have fun writing that one. It was a Clarion experiment to see whether I could write stuff that was emo. I didn't like the process, and I wasn't comfortable with the story, even though several of my Clarion buddies did like it.

Phooey.

Back in paid employment (for the moment)

I actually didn't think this would happen, but I'm back at a desk job for the next few weeks (my former boss at the coal-mining company asked me back to help with the documentation of a different project).

I'm ambivalent: it's really, really hard to focus and write well when you're tired from a day at work, where you're also trying to focus and write well. On the other hand, what with Margaret's high-school application fees, our upcoming trip to the States, the expenses of Clarion still clamoring for payment, our ever-more-urgent need (still, as yet, unfulfilled) for broadband -- the money is looking really good. So...I'm trying to put in full work weeks and write at night. When I was at Clarion I managed to do seven or eight hours of critting a day, do that editing gig, and write lots. So what's my problem now?

The Writing Demons are saying, "Remember Stephen King, who wrote on a manual typewriter on a board in the laundry room in the wee hours of the morning? You don't have it tough. You just can't hack it. You don't have what it takes to be a Real Writer."

I hate when the Writing Demons really hit their stride.

2/20/2007

Post-Clarion: the Journey Begins

Last night I spent several hours going through the crits of my cricket story and making revisions. I cut close to 500 words, but added new ones back in. My husband (who knows cricket) reckons it's significantly better now. Thanks, Clarion buddies!

Today I've been working on my novel -- my novel, which I've been working on for 15 years off and on. It's sort of archeological: you can trace changes in my own maturity and writing style as you go through the chapters (although I'm smoothing out any truly glaring examples of this as I go, I hope). In other words, I'm really, really familiar with the "flavor" of this novel, and how I feel and think while I'm working on it.

Today, though, my head felt different while I was working on it. Clarion has changed me so fundamentally that even the most old-sweatshirt-and-faded-jeans of my projects feels new and different.

It's going to be interesting to watch myself work....

2/19/2007

Back home.

I can still hear my Clarion buddies in my head. They gather around while I write and make comments. It's disturbing, but comforting (in a disturbing sort of way).

I've been getting enough sleep, which makes a very nice change. Yesterday I spent all day reading the weekend papers and watching hour after hour after hour of Dr. Who with my family. Heaven.

Back to work today, though. I'm polishing my cricket story, which I'm taking a fair bit of trouble over because I really really like it, and I have high hopes for it once I start sending it out. I also want to try and (FINALLY) finish the first draft of my novel. I've got about four or five chapters left, very roughly planned out, so I should be able to do it by the end of March, perhaps even sooner. I wonder how long it will take me to do the second draft. Hopefully not another 15 years.

Well, back to work. Can't let the keyboard get cold. Can't let my Clarion buddies down, either -- we're all destined for great things.

2/17/2007

Clarion is over.

I've been missing my husband and daughter more and more. Ow.

I'm leaving my writing buddies. Ow.

This amazing time in my life is over. Ow.

I have to get up at quarter to seven in the morning for breakfast, last-minute packing, and clearing out of the dorm. Ow.

Ow, ow.

2/15/2007

Laconic Aussies

When my State Emergency Service story, "Bleeding Orange", got critiqued a few weeks ago, one comment that came up a few times was "Nobody seems to be reacting very much to the fact that there are aliens." That, of course, was part of the whole thing (one of my fellow Clarionites did get it, fortunately, but the fact that 15 others didn't means it's something I have to look at).

Anyway, an SES friend of mine sent 'round a link to a clip on YouTube of some people videoing a flash flood that happened last week near Muswellbrook in New South Wales. (Their mates up the valley must have phoned them and said, "Head out to where the creek crosses the road near your place. We've just watched a mammoth flash flood go past. Bring your video camera.")

You see the calm, tiny creek as it flows gently under the road. You pan left to see a huge gush of muddy water rocketing down the creek bed. It's roiling and FAST, and it's carrying bushes, trees, debris. You can hear it as it approaches. One person is standing back a bit, doing the taping. Two are standing down on the road near the creek bank. They edge back and back as the water bears down on them like a train. It roars across the road! It swirls back in ferocious eddies! It overwhelms the road! Trees sweep past as it barrels along the creek bed!

Finally, the two turn to go. As they walk back toward the camera, one says, "You don't see that every day."

The other one thinks about this for a moment.

"No."

The clip is here.

2/14/2007

The cricket story

I'm thinking right now that my six weeks of stress at Clarion will be worth it for the sake of my cricket story. First, I had the never-gets-boring experience of writing in the zone. I've been buzzing for days from the high of writing that story. Second, the story got what passes at Clarion for rave reviews. (Although the unitiated might consider those same reviews to be a brutal savaging, we who have been tested in the crit pit know better.) Third, I actually still like it, even after the crits, and I'm already planning the next draft and polish for when I get home, and researching markets for it.

This is revolutionary. It means that, finally, I can tell when I'm writing well -- I know my own good writing when I see it. I can't tell you how stunning, and how crucial, this realization is for me. All I have to do is find the zone every time I write! See? Simple!

2/11/2007

In the zone

Last night (or rather, this morning), I was in the zone. By 4:30 I'd written over 2,500 words on a story that I'm really enjoying. I have a suspicion it's my best work yet (although I guess we'll see what happens in the crit pit on Tuesday).

What an amazing (and rare) feeling, when the words come out with clarity, precision, and abundance!

Many of us, by the way, are becoming freakishly nocturnal.

My voice is still shot from karaoke on Friday night.

There is less than a week of Clarion to go. It will be very, very painful to say goodbye to the chance to focus on writing, to the solitude, to the near-total freedom to determine my schedule (see "becoming nocturnal", above) -- and, above all, to my writing buddies. I can't really afford to think about that aspect at the moment, although I sense I'm already starting to say goodbye.

2/10/2007

Karaoke as metaphor

Last night a bunch of us flung caution into the gutter and danced upon it -- we went out for karaoke.

A few things must be said to show how revolutionary this was: I can count on the fingers of my two hands how many times in my entire life I've been out to raucous late-night clubs -- in fact, this was the very first time in all my 45 years I'd been out so late at a club. Ever. And while I have very little shame when it comes to getting up in front of groups, I don't consider my voice a lead-singer's voice (although I'm the one you want as a backup singer, every time). And finally, while the world assumes writers are reclusive, antisocial, and meek, this is not always the case.

Without a doubt, the stars of the evening were Jasoni, who sings blues like a demon from some totally cool hell, and Ben, who may tell you singing is not his thing, but has stage presence enough for all of us.

It is very fun to cheer friends on, and to be cheered. We have all become quite close here, and it really helps with the stress to know that we're all eager for each other's success.

Friends are cool. Writer friends are doubly cool.

2/04/2007

Only two weeks to go, but certainty is far away

Am I changed by Clarion so far? I can't even begin to be rational about that subject. Am I more determined to make the writing work than I was before? Not sure yet; I was fairly determined before. Am I more confident about my writing? Definitely not; at least that feels certain. Have I learned new skills? Ye-e-e-a-a-ah, I guess so. Certainly sharpened skills I have, so maybe that counts. Have I tried new things in my writing? Oh, yes. Has it been worth the money, time, and stress? So far, yes. Have I made good friends? Yes. Have I missed my family? Yes, yes, yes.

Moral of the Clarion story? None yet. None. I'll try again to discern one towards the end of Week 6.

2/02/2007

I have no shame at all.

Tonight a few of us got the chance to do a brief (three-minute) reading at Avid Reader bookstore here in Brisbane, as the warm-up act for Gardner Dozois (yes, that Gardner Dozois). If it involves getting up in front of an audience, I am SO THERE. Because we had a few days' warning, I wrote a short (two-page) piece for the occasion.

If I do say it myself, public speaking is one of my strengths. I read smoothly and dramatically, and I got laughs in all the right places, and none in any of the wrong places. Oh, how I love the spotlight. Pity I have no acting talent. But I can read my own stuff, and so I did.

One of my most cherished Writer Dreams is the book tour: readings, signings, panels, and -- most of all -- the school visits and workshops with young writers. A few writers came to my high school during my years there, and it was always magic. I want to bring that magic. I want to say something that will inspire a dreamy, lonely kid to keep writing, keep improving, keep chasing that amazing moment when you are ablaze with your own power.