R-E-S-P-E-C-T

The second-hardest thing for me about writing seriously has been to find out what process, accoutrements, times of day, and mindsets work best for me — and even what "best" means. Higher wordcount? More hours in the chair? More pieces sold? Pieces I, myself, like better?

The first-hardest thing has been to have a little respect for what I find out. To stop feeling like a failure because I have lower wordcount or less time in the chair (or more, for that matter) than other people. (Even I recognize that obsessing over number of pieces sold and subjective feelings about the pieces is a minefield.) I write the way I write. Van Badham got me starting to think about this, and it all came to a point when my husband asked me what I'd been doing today.

"Cleaning, cooking," I said. "Trying to write."

I felt an almost physical yank on my psyche. No!

"No!" I echoed. "Not 'trying to write.' Writing. I've been writing."

What I've been doing has been real, valuable, respectable writing.

Resolution: I will no longer refer to what I do as "trying to write." It's writing.